Camp Unus Annus: Month 3

Time is kinda funny at Camp Unus Annus, it seems like I just got here yesterday and now the trees have shed their leaves and there’s a crazy staff member yelling at me that I missed the bus 2 months ago. I spent the better part of the day trying to avoid their grasp.

As the Keeper of the Camp Chronicle, I am determined to completely and accurately document the events happening in these woods. Before time went strange there were rumors around camp about sightings of a creature known only as Hee Hoo in the deep woods surrounding the camp.  In my explorations of the less-used trails, I found a literal sign indicating the presence of such a being in the area.

I may have let out a little whoop of excitement when I found the sign.

In the heat of the day, I stopped to review my notes to make sure I hadn't missed anything from my earlier exploration. Unfortunately, that crazy staff member found me again and I had to take off.

Anyhow, they've got me cornered in the pavilion while we wait for someone to come pick me up. I guess that's the end of my hunt for the elusive Hee Hoo. 

P.S.

Does anyone know who wrote this in the back of my notebook? It says "The Author lives."

Camp Unus Annus: The Author

The following story was written based on concepts and characters from the self-destructing YouTube channel Unus Annus and the YouTube videos Danger In Fiction and Danger In Fiction | Chapter II. 

    The bonfire had finally settled down into a pile of glowing embers at the center of camp when Counselor Amy peered around at the circle of campers. Empty marshmallow bags and chocolate bar wrappers littered the ground, and everyone had smears of marshmallow and chocolate around their mouths. The full moon which had been casting a soothing bluish light over the camp and its inhabitants disappeared behind a thick bank of clouds driven by a sudden chill breeze leaving only the ruddy glow of the fire to light the night. Somewhere out amongst the trees, she heard an owl hoot mournfully into the darkness.

    “Hey Mark, did you and Ethan remember to tell the campers why it’s so important for them to always remember their buddy?”

    Counselor Ethan leaned forward to look past Counselor Mark, “Of course we did, Amy,” he mumbled through a mouthful of s’more spraying Mark with graham cracker crumbs in the process. “We went over it on the first day of camp,” he continued, ignoring Mark’s frustrated glare when more crumbs landed on his lap, “We’re not idiots, you know.”

    Mark quickly brushed the crumbs off his white camp uniform before placing a hand on Ethan’s chest and pushing him backward off the log they were sharing. “Seriously Amy, you were there when we filmed the whole thing about how dangerous it is to be in the wild without a buddy. You had to get in the tent because of that bear, remember?” Mark snorted and rolled his eyes as he turned to Ethan while pointing at Amy with his thumb. “Can you believe she forgot that we went over the buddy system?”

    A muffled thump sounded as Amy smacked Mark over the head with her clipboard. “No, I didn’t forget that stupid video,” she huffed, “and if you’ll remember there wasn’t actually a bear it was just Evan with a branch in his hand.” Noticing that neither Ethan nor Mark was paying attention she grabbed each of them by an ear and pulled them in close, checking on the campers over her shoulder before whispering in their faces, “I’m talking about you know who.”

    Mark took a deep centering breath and Ethan rubbed at his ear as Amy let go of them. Ethan looked at Amy and shrugged unconcernedly then stared at Mark. Mark glanced at Ethan out of the corner of his eye then pushed him backward off the log again before turning to face Amy with a sigh. “Amy, we talked about this. No one has seen or heard anything about him for years. It’s probably fine.”

    

Freewriting

    Words are there but I can't get them out. What do I need to do to get from here to there? What materials do I build this bridge out of and how long will it take to build? I can see the path on the other side of the ravine, a clearing full of light and joy awaits me there. But the thorns of uncertainty and depths of self-doubt bar my way. I've traveled the path this far so many times only to turn back or be lost in the ravine. I've walked in that far clearing as well, known it's warmth and comfort. Why does the way ahead not stay clear? Is it because I go so long between journies that causes the barrier to remain? How many times must I fight to make my way across before the path is no longer overgrown? The longer I stand here staring into that ravine the longer, sharper, and more cruel-looking the thorns grow. I can feel them reaching for me, trying to drag me into their neverending embrace. I feel the void calling me and the words that push it away stay locked in the deepest vaults of my mind. Perhaps if I close my eyes and feel out the path one word at a time I can fool the ravine into letting me pass unscathed. But which are the words that will carry me across and which will pull me into the depths? I can feel the anxious gaze of my past selves watching from all across time. Do they wait for my success or failure? If I am to continue, I must continue. Don't look back. Don't look down. Don't look ahead. Look within. See the path fully formed. It's there waiting, don't be deceived. Take a breath. Write.

Covid-19 Diary Entry 2: 5 Things I Never Realized I Was Thankful For

Because of my lung condition, my doctor has ordered me to stay at home since getting COVID-19 would be exceptionally bad for me and my medication makes me more likely to get it if I'm exposed to it. It's nothing new for me to stay at home all the time, I did it recently for almost a year and a half while I was unemployed. But this time is different. It's so easy to overlook the simple things when they are there all the time. So here are five things I never realized I was thankful for.

1) The Ability to Go Where I Want, When I Want

I used to be able to just get up and go whenever I wanted to. Forget something I need for making dinner? Hop in the car and go pick it up at the store. Bored? Drive to the bookstore or the mall and wander around. I had gotten into the habit of going to a local park on the way back from seeing my therapist and walking their 1/4 mile trail. But I can't do that now. Sure, I've been stuck at home in the past when I was sick or when I didn't have a car but there were still times I was able to get up and just go somewhere.

2) Being Best Friends With My Mom

I can't imagine what people who don't get along well with their family are going through being cooped up with them. I'm so fortunate that my Mom is also my Best Friend. We have no trouble spending time together and we've even found new things to do together while we're stuck at home. The stress of dealing with the uncertainty caused by this pandemic is definitely taking its toll on us but we're here for each other in any way we can be. We've even gotten better at communicating what we're feeling.

3) Internet Access

Without access to the Internet, I wouldn't be able to work from home and as a result, I wouldn't be getting paid. The internet has also been a great asset for me because it gives me access to all kinds of media to help distract me from what's going on. I've gotten into a daily routine of watching Unus Annus and Markiplier on YouTube every day and it has helped me to keep smiling when I'm having a worse day than usual. The internet has also enabled Mom and me to order our groceries for pick up so that she doesn't have to spend as much time inside stores.

4) My New Job

There are so many people right now who are unable to work because of the restrictions that are currently in place to help slow the spread of COVID-19. Hell, my own Mom is one of them. I was so excited when I got my job working for Hershey as a Sensory Panelist because it felt good to be working again. I had no way of knowing that not even halfway into my training everything would change and I would have to stay at home again. I am so fortunate that the company has retained the family outlook that it was founded with. I'm able to work from home and keep earning a paycheck in a time when so many others can't and I don't know that that would be true with any of my previous jobs.

5) My Cats

It is amazing the difference those to fuzzballs make in my life! Fred and Daphne seem to know that something is wrong and they know just when Mom or I need extra kitty cuddles. Whether it's Fred hopping up in the chair with me and curling up in my lap or Daphne asking to be picked up and held by Mom in the bathroom (commode cuddles, lol) they're always there right when we need them the most. I can tell that they're a bit scared too because of things being different and I do my best to be there for them too.

Covid-19 Diary Entry 1

I've been putting off doing this because I keep hoping that this whole thing would blow over quickly. It's become painfully obvious that we're in this for the long haul.

On March 6th, 2020 Governor Tom Wolf declared a disaster emergency in the state of Pennsylvania, where I live, regarding the rapidly spreading novel coronavirus (COVID-19). A stay-at-home order was issued for a few initial counties (Allegheny, Bucks, Chester, Delaware, Monroe, Montgomery, and Philadelphia) and it was supposed to be in effect from March 19th to April 6th. Today is April 12th and the entire state is now under orders to stay at home through April 30th.

Social distancing is now a common part of the world vocabulary along with pandemic, quarantine, asymptomatic, and personal protective equipment (PPE).

Many people are following the directions issued by the World Health Organization (WHO) and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) but, as always in life, there are those who choose to ignore the severity of the situation and refuse to follow these directions. Some are having so-called Corona Parties with their friends where they all get together to drink Corona and hang out.

Spring Break has come and gone and a frightening number of college kids carried on with their plans as if they had not a care in the world. Young people in the prime of their life feel like they are invincible. I remember feeling the same way at that age. They aren't worried about themselves because they're young and healthy and fit, but they forget the other people in their lives who aren't so fortunate. The elderly, the very young, people with weakened immune systems or pre-existing lung issues are especially at risk and all it takes is for one asymptomatic Spring Breaker to come into contact with them to spread the disease.

And it's deadly. So much more deadly than was initially reported even by our President at the beginning of the outbreak in the United States. As of about 9 PM ET Sunday April 12th, there have been 114,090 deaths worldwide, 22,071 of those are in the United States, and 507 of those are in Pennsylvania. People are dying and there are still people out there who refuse to acknowledge how serious this situation is.

So many people are out of work now because they weren't working for a life-sustaining business. People who are still employed are terrified of any cough or sniffle from a coworker if they aren't amongst the percentage of workers who are able to work from home. Unemployment has been expanded and many people already on assistance will be receiving additional assistance to make up for the loss of work.

One positive thing to come from all the folks working from home is that people with disabilities who should have been working from home all along now have proof that many jobs that were previously thought to be impossible to do from home actually are possible. Reasonable accommodations for those folks should be easier to get once the world goes back to business as usual.

But really, we'll never be able to go back to the way things were before the outbreak. There's been too much fear, too much loss, too much change for that to ever happen. The world will have to learn to live with its "new normal", something people with chronic illnesses have tried to make other people understand for years.

If it weren't for the internet to help keep people connected in so many different ways people's mental health would definitely be suffering worse than it is. Social butterflies are forced to stay at home, people with anxiety are grappling with the uncertainty of the world around them, people with depression have to fight that feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, and we all have to find ways to cope with the seemingly unending miasma of fear that surrounds the globe.

When this all started I had just started training for my new job as a Sensory Panelist for The Hershey Company. Because Hershey makes a food product (confections) they are considered a life-sustaining business and are still operating. Much to my surprise the sensory panelists are considered essential personnel and are still working. The company is taking great steps to ensure the continued health of its employees and many of us are working from home. It's been strange trying to learn about my new position without the ability to see, taste, or smell. But I'm grateful that I'm still being paid even though my formal training is on hold for the time being.

They've been saying on the news that we're starting to "flatten the curve", meaning the rate of infection is leveling off. That's good news, but the ramp-up has been so great that there's no real way of knowing for sure when those numbers will start to decrease steadily. Some parts of the world have already been through the worst of it and have come out on the other side battered, weary, but still functional.

As the wave of the outbreak has moved from East to West there has been so much loss and change in an effort to slow it down. Some efforts have worked better than others. Only history will be able to tell if it was enough in the long run.

We're All Stories in the End

I was reading about the elements of a flawed character and they were talking about how characters without flaws have no story. That progress cannot occur if we just accept their mental and moral states as they are because then there is no call to action.

...by accepting the status quo of their mental and moral states, we're refusing the call to adventure outright. They'd just exist in the same state they were in the setup, stagnant, somewhat lifeless.

The concept of life as a story is not a new one to me. In fact, it comes up in fiction fairly often: The TV show Castle where a mystery writer helps solve crimes based on how he would've written the story. The movie Stranger Than Fiction where a man finds his life being narrated by a writer who is writing his life thinking it is merely a fiction she created. The Tales of the Five Hundred Kingdoms series of books by Mercedes Lackey which describes a world where the power of The Tradition pushes people's lives into the patterns of fairie tales, for better or worse.  It's very easy to accept this concept in the context of a fictional world, but it holds equally true for the real world as well.

Not that long ago I started seeing a therapist to help me get my anxiety and depression under control. This past session he really made me think because he pointed out that my tendency to react in certain ways is a choice. There may be underlying things from my past that cause me to continually make that choice but it is a choice nonetheless. Getting better requires me to start making different choices when presented with those situations. It's not an easy thing to do but it is a necessary one.

Today it clicked for me that I'm the main character of my own story and that just accepting my flaws as they are keeps me just as stagnant and lifeless as though I were poorly written character. My story can go nowhere if I don't accept the call to adventure and fight through the discomfort of the unknown towards what I can only hope is a happy ending.

Life is the most complex and compelling story you will ever tell. You are both the main character and the author at the same time, take advantage of that. Heed the call to adventure and make your story memorable. I know that's what I'm planning on doing.

Happy New Year 2020

My biggest resolution going into 2020 is to be more consistent about writing. I have had this blog for 5 years now and have been horrible about posting. I haven't been any better about my fiction writing either, though I did manage to complete another short story and have it published.

For Christmas, my Mom enrolled me in a writing course being run by my local used book store and being taught by several local authors. I never thought I'd be able to go so it was an amazing present to receive. She believes in me as a writer, often more than I believe in myself. So for her, and for myself, I am going to throw myself into this. I've always been so scared of failing and am often my own worst critic when it comes to anything I create or do. But I've now had two of my stories chosen for publishing, that has to mean I'm doing something right. Right?

I've been so wrapped up in my depression and anxiety for the last year that I haven't let myself think that I could do anything. I stopped writing, crafting, even hanging out with friends. I haven't been taking the best care of myself, my Mom, or my home. It's beyond time for that to change. I started going to therapy to help me get my head right and deal with my past, now it's time for me to start working on giving myself a future.