As I settle into my blankets after shutting off the light, I can feel his presence in the dark. His voice slides over my mind like a velvet blanket, warm and relaxing, and part of me wants to give in to the promise it holds. Another part of me rebels against it, remembering the heartache and emptiness he left me with before. The fire of remembered touches traces across my skin burning through my defenses.
"It wasn't all bad, was it?" the hazy part of my mind thinks as it slips further into the fog.
"Some of it was torture," my more logical half protests as it tries to drag me free of lingering feelings that threaten to overwhelm me.
"But such exquisite torture," my submissive nature replies, recalling the feeling of fingers resting lightly on my throat and just under my jaw. Ghosted touches pulling me closer, enticing me to lose myself in his eyes.
"I won't lose myself again," I chastise myself, remembering how I feared not being able to come back from the depths hidden in those eyes. How easy it would have been to allow myself to succumb to him then, and how hard I fought against that urge, I remind myself.
I feel the haze lifting from me and I reluctantly let it go. The moment of danger passes and once again I'm alone in the darkness. I sigh and draw the blankets close. Some day it will be safe to give myself over to those feelings. But not now. Not to him. Another will light those fires and I'll embrace them without fear of becoming less than I am. I will submit and through that act become more myself than ever before.
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